Life.

Blessed be the Lord,
who has not given us
as prey to their teeth!
We have escaped like a bird
from the snare of the fowlers;
the snare is broken,
and we have escaped!
Our help is in the name of the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

“

—	Psalm 124:6-8. The Bible.

Walls

They are continuous vertical bricks or stones that are used to enclose or divide something. Surprisingly, they’re not always made out of brick or stone, but of happiness, anger, sarcasm, bitterness, laughter, and apathy.

I have recently noticed that I have my walls up so high; I don’t even see the end of them anymore. In my eyes, my walls aren’t as bad as others and for the most part I am transparent and real with people. I have two adult figures that I confide in and that is all I need. But the reality is that I still close myself off to others. I am afraid of being let down yet again and appearing like I don’t have it all under control. I like to appear strong, but the fact is I am weak and no matter how much I try I can’t hide that. I don’t want to be “all in” in any relationship because I’m afraid that I will be disappointed. So I just don’t expect anything at all and hide behind my smile, apathetic “I don’t care” attitude, laughter, or anything else I can conjure up to hide my feelings.

2 Timothy 1:6-7 - “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands,for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

The sad reality to having that kind of mentality is that it seeps into your relationship with God. I thought I was always honest with God till I discovered a simple concept I’ve heard for a long time, “Ask and you shall receive.” Jesus tells us to ask and we will receive, to call and He will answer, and to knock and He will open the door to us, according to His Will. But because of my fear of being disappointed by others I began to fear being disappointed by God. So I stopped asking God certain things regarding salvation, miracles, healings, spiritual gifts, because in my mind I was safer and more in control not asking. I was wrong. The sad truth is I lost so much more by not asking than I did by asking. By asking God I am showing I have faith that He can do it and trusting that He is sovereign to do what He sees fit. He just wants us to be honest with Him and ask Him whatever, but always ending with, “Let your Will be done.”

He is beginning the process of breaking down my walls with Him as well as with others. Although I wish I could just go through this process quickly, I know He is taking His time making sure I really learn the lessons. He is beginning a new work in me.

Now some pictures of my time this past month:

Budapest with some friends :)

Shopping day with the Foster ladies

Wonderful outreach to Serbia Pray for them.

Love you all,

Aileen

AfterMATH

It’s been about a month since i’ve been able to post anything on here. Pardon my delay, life has been crazy, in a good way. (:

Since I left off, I have returned to Vajta to begin my second semester of the MIssions Training Program, my parent’s came to visit me for three weeks, and I was able to travel all over Italy and Vienna, Austria. What an exhilarating month it has been.

Leaving Serbia was a very bittersweet experience. We left January 31st to begin our journey to Vajta to begin a new, fresh, and totally different semester. It’s been a huge blessing so far. The students are grounded and solid in the Lord, the teachers, new and old, are being led by the Spirit as usual, and the food continues to get better. :) The Lord is already showing up and guiding each and every one of us in the directions we should go. For me, as of right now God is showing me that I’m called to stay for the summer to be apart of Summer of Service (SOS). This program basically includes an entire summer of helping out for the different conferences they have throughout the summer. We make the rooms, clean, work the coffee shop, provide the sound system, etc. It is a huge blessing to be able to serve God all summer. The main thing I’m excited for is being able to encourage and hang out with the AVFLer’s that are coming. AVFL (A Vision For Life) is the program that introduced me to this place. It’s a missions program where students come here and from here go on different outreaches. It’s an amazing program. If any of you guys or if you know anyone who wants to go on a missions trip here is the place. It’s an amazing time with the Lord. But I’m just really excited to meet the students and just be able to impart to them what other SOSer’s imparted to me and what the Lord has been teaching me. I’m also praying because the Lord seems to be telling me (so far) that He wants me to stay for Bible College this upcoming fall semester. I’m still praying but I’m definitely open to do whatever God is calling me to do.

I was also able to enjoy my amazing parents for a period of three weeks. Wow, being without them now is even harder than the first time I left them. Their stay here blessed me so much. It’s amazing how the Lord blesses you with parents who know you and impart such Godly wisdom and insight into your life that normally I wouldn’t have gotten from anyone else. We were able to travel to Vienna, Austria and Italy for a few days. There, we celebrated my dad’s 53rd birthday-he doesn’t look it though-and my parent’s anniversary. :) But we were able to enjoy an amazing time of fellowship, encouragement, and A LOT of laughter. It was so nice to just be able to enjoy their company. I felt like they were never going to leave. Once that unfortunate day came, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t believe they were leaving me. It felt like a horrible nightmare. But I learned so much from them and continue to learn. Their lives are incredible examples for me of diligence, perseverance, and complete surrender to the Lord’s Will. Their example encourages me to move forward even when my life is up in the air. Keep them in your prayers as they have recently arrived in Peru and begun working with Andres and Karla in the church there. I greatly miss them, but I am so excited for them and what the Lord is going to do in and through them. I am so proud to say they’re my parents.

Finally, I have been learning a lot about faith and doubt. Honest doubt according to Chuck Smith is ok because its normal to want to make sure what you are about to do is really led by the Lord. It totally makes sense, but what I was doing was having inexcusable doubt. I have recently decided to go to Kosovo on my ten-day outreach. It’s a little pricy, about $500 - $575 for 12 days. Coming from the states, that is very cheap, but being hear on a missionary budget I have come to encounter the reality of supporting my self. But I know the Lord is wanting me to go simply because He has given me a desire to go there and do patient evangelism. He has called me to spread the gospel anywhere and to anyone, so why not Kosovo? He keeps reminding to stop being “Slow of heart” and asking me, “Why do doubts arise in your hearts?” - Luke 24. So, I’m going to continue in this direction and let the Lord do the rest. If you could please keep this in your prayers that would be amazing!

His peace is what keeps me at bay. Isaiah 26:3 - “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”

Last day in Serbia

Vienna, Austria with my beautiful mom and dad (taking the picture).

Enjoying Venice, Italy. Aren’t they spicy?

We’re cute. :)

Rome, Italy.

This is why this show is my favorite. (:

Last Week in Serbia

Wow, my time is Serbia is coming to a speedy end. It feels weird to be completely truthful. Four days from now I will be heading back to Vajta, Hungary with my amazing friend Caleh and my wonderful parents. That’ll be a fun road trip! (No sarcasm included) (:

I can’t deny how incredible, stretching, and enriching this time here has been. It didn’t come easy. I know at times Caleh and I wanted to throw stuff at each other and other times we missed each other when one of us had to go on their own adventures. It was a time of much, much laughter and loving patience, but Caleh and I can both agree on what a blessing being together on this adventure has been. We wouldn’t change any minute of the time we spent together. God really brought us together and drew us nearer to Him. Caleh says, “I don’t think anything can bring us apart after all the stuff we’ve gone through.”

Being able to spend time with the youth and gypsies here in Subotica and Csantaver has brought me more joy than anything else. They welcomed me with such love and joy and they were always willing to help me learn more Hungarian. They displayed Jesus’ love in such tangible ways whether by serving or by worshiping on stage. They were a really encouraging part of being here. Caleh and I were even able to have some of the girls sleepover one night and just hang out. It was a great time of fellowship. (:

All in all, God has proven Himself faithful over and over again while being here. Not that He needed to, but yet for those who doubt He is still willing to show His faithfulness, which continues to amaze me daily. A constant reminder He gives me is this:

And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

-Matthew 26:39-41.

I so easily forget that I’m not in control. God’s will is the ultimate priority. My will is non-existant and unimportant because God knows what He’s doing. It’s been a humbling lesson to accept and I’m still learning everyday to accept that fact, but He continues to show grace and mercy in the midst of my failures. He also reminds me to be in constant prayer. Prayer is such a powerful tool, but it’s the first thing to be neglected and ignored. Prayer has become my main weapon in this time I have spent in Serbia, its proven very useful and efficient (of course). (: He calls us to be alert, and I pray that I would stay alert even upon returning to Bible college and continuing my everyday life there. He still needs to be the one I run to, my main priority, and my sovereign Lord. (:

The beautiful girls I’m leaving behind. :(

I miss them already!

Helping at the soup kitchen.

Good bye friends! We will miss you greatly! God bless you!

Week One in Serbia

So, this is week one of my adventures in Serbia. They’ve been pretty amazing. Let’s begin with day 1: getting to Serbia.

We left Vajta, Hungary at 10:30am to arrive in Sarbogard, only ten minutes later. We had a lot of stuff so traveling by train was not an easy task. Getting off of the train to get on to our train to Budapest, my wheel of my suitcase came off. That was not expected but nonetheless the dragging began. We got on the train that headed to Budapest only to find out that the train was packed and I had to drag my suitcase through a few train cabins till I found a seat. Finally we arrived in Budapest. We had to make our way through the train station to the metro to be able to go to another train station that would take us directly to Serbia. Keep in mind, we had this much stuff: We finally got to the train station with just enough to buy our train tickets and leave for Serbia. Caleh went in to the international ticket office only to discover that there was a line of over 60+ people. It got down to ten minutes before our train left and she cut in line and asked one of the workers if she could buy the tickets now seeing as our train was leaving. The lady preceded to tell her that she was at the wrong ticket office and needed to go to the one across the train station. She was referring to the office that said “Inland ticket office” So then I went to that office and asked for two tickets to our train. The lady responded, “No, your train has already left.” I asked her, “Are you sure? I can still see it.” She said, “No. Next.” I told Caleh and we both didn’t know what to do. Caleh pointed to the train we were supposed to be taking and told me, “Look it’s still here.” So I walked right back in to the ticket office and went to a different attendant and asked for two tickets to Serbia. The lady said ok and gave them to me. I told Caleh, “I have the tickets! Let’s go.” She looked at me, and I knew what her face was saying. It had just left. We couldn’t believe we had missed our train.

The next step was to call and figure out some other way to get to Serbia. We thought we’d asked a friend to take us by car but we knew that wouldn’t work. I couldn’t call anyone because my phone was out of minutes. We were pretty hopeless. Then Caleh saw a internet cafe, so I left my stuff and I ran in. I ask for internet and she told me, “Go to #4.” in her broken english. I got on the computer and started contacting anybody I could think of that could help. Finally, I got a hold of Christi and Jeremy Foster, two friends from the Bible College. They called and gave us ideas of what we could do.

Option #1: Take the night train, which wasn’t safe.

Option #2: Go back to Vajta Hungary and do this whole journey over again.

Option #3: Stay overnight in Budapest.

We didn’t know what to do. We prayed and ruled out option #1, we didn’t need anymore stress. Then we thought how expensive option #2 and 3 would be. They came out to the same so the question was which one is easier to do. We chose option #3. Now the question was where we were going to stay. We decided to stay at the Budapest Calvary Chapel apartments on top of the church. The only problem was that we needed to call them and my phone didn’t have minutes. So I went up to a guy and asked him if I could borrow his phone (in my broken Hungarian). He said yes and dialed the number for me. I received the phone and as I’m waiting for an answer he tells me, “I’m charging you.” I was in such a hurry and need I didn’t care. The conversation ended well and we were able to reserve a room, but the man preceded to charge me. He made me pay over 600ft which is way too much. He took all my change. We then decided we would take a taxi because we wouldn’t be able to fit all our stuff on a bus. We got a taxi who charged us $25 dollars to go not even two minutes away. We were really upset but what could we do. We were so flustered we couldn’t even fight for our money. We then arrived at our apartment and finally were at peace for a few hours.

The next day we called a taxi to pick us up at 8:15am. 8:20am rolled around and he didn’t show up. So we crossed the street and asked the New York Palace concierge to request a taxi for us. He did it immediately and the taxi arrived in five minutes. They treated us as if we were part of their hotel. It was nice. :) Finally we arrived at the train station, got on our train, and awaited our arrival in Serbia.

It was a crazy start to a so far crazy adventure. We’ve had our share of missed buses and getting lost while we’ve been here, but they have been very worth it. God has been reminding me of His sovereignty. He has shown me how faithless I am. But despite my shortcomings, He still remains faithful and in control. I can’t wait to see what else God is going to do while we’re here. This is the theme of our trip so far:

2 Corinthians 5:7 - “For we live by faith, not by sight.”

Our journey so far:

I’m holding my wheel that came off